Because of my happiness project, I now explicitly ask myself, “Will this decision make me happier?”
1. Is this decision likely to strengthen my relationships with other people? Strong relationships with other people are a key—the key—to happiness, so decisions that help me build or strengthen ties are likely to boost my happiness. Yes, it’s a hassle and an expense to go to my college reunion, but it’s likely to have a big happiness pay-off.
2. Will this decision provide me with novelty and challenge? Novelty and challenge make me happier—but they also make me feel insecure, intimidated, frustrated, and stupid. To get past that hurdle, I remind myself that in the end, I usually get a big shot of happiness. When I considered adding video to my site, I reminded myself that the process of mastering the process would likely make me happier. And it has.
3. What is the opportunity cost of this decision? (“Opportunity cost” describes that fact that doing one thing means foregoing alternatives.) Energy, time, and money are limited. Even if a decision would bring happiness, if it means that I have to give up the opportunity to do many other happiness-boosting activities, it may not be worth it. I could dedicate many hours to learning about classical music, and in the end, I might enjoy classical music more, but that activity would crowd out too many other things that I want to do more. Like read children’s literature.
4. Does this decision help me obey my personal commandment to Be Gretchen? I want to shape my life to reflect my temperament, interests, and values. I ask myself: Am I making this decision to “Be Gretchen,” or because I want to impress other people, pretend that I’m different from the person I actually am, or deny a truth about myself?
5. When I consider a particular course of action, do I feel energized or drained? InHappier at Home, I write about how I conquered my fear of driving. I dreaded doing this, but I was also energized by the thought of tackling this nagging worry.
6. How happy are the people who have made that particular decision? In Daniel Gilbert’s book Stumbling on Happiness, he argues that the most effective way to judge whether a particular course of action will make you happy in the future is to ask people who are following that course of action right now if they’re happy, and assume that you’ll feel the same way. Going on a family trip to DisneyWorld. Getting a hamster. Learning to usePinterest. Working as a paralegal. Volunteering. In evaluating the likely consequences of a decision, other people’s experiences of happiness—or lack thereof—can be very instructive for me.
7. I remind myself to “Choose the bigger life.” People will make different decisions about what the “bigger life” would be, but when I ask myself that question, it always helps me see the right answer, for myself.
This consideration might help answer questions, big and small, such as:
- Should I buy a tent?
- Should I organize a party?
- Should I go to medical school?
- Should I have a baby?
- Should I buy a new kitchen table?
- Should I sign up for Spanish lessons?
- Should I get a dog?
There’s no right answer or wrong answer — only the right answer for me.
How about you? Have you developed questions for yourself, or other strategies, to help make wise decisions?
For more on this subject, check out The Happiness Project.
I love book clubs — I’m in four book groups myself. If you’re reading Happier at Home or The Happiness Project in a book group, email me for the one-page discussion guide. Or if you’re reading them in a spirituality book group, Bible study group, or the like, email me for the spirituality discussion guide.
By Gretchen Rubin
Photo: richardsmith155, Flickr
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